how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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