Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Couch. On fire.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
