Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
