this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
