First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
