Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
