Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize