He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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