whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
