Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
