Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
