Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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