people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
