I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
