I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
