dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
