Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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