I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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