I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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