airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
