oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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