He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
