i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
