T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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