Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
