My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
