college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
