The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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