I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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