Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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