So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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