As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
