Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
