return my video game
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
