Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
