so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
