I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
