After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
