I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
