There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
