FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
