We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
