i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you would pick up someone in the library
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Text me some of your sweat
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
