you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
