you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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