his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
