I will die if light touches me.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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