Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
