Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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