soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
whose parrot is this?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
