drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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