go do what you do best...puke behind churches
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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