It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
