Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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