Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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