It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
