dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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