I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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