I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
