a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize